Gaston: There's a danger I'll be thwarted
And denied my honeymoon
For the pretty thing I've courted
Refuse to swoon
So, the time has come for a murky plan
For which I turn to a murky man
LeFou: To find that fiend
Both: Where better than
The Maison des Lunes?
Gaston: I don't take this girl for granted
There's no path I haven't hewn
To her heart; no seed unplanted
No flowers unstrewn
But quite amazing to relate
She doesn't want me for her mate
LeFou: Which forces him to contemplate
Both: The Maison des Lunes
Monsieur D'Arque: I don't wish to seem a tad obtuse
But I don't see how I can be of use
For I lock people up; I'm not a "Lonely Heart's club"
I'm a cold, cold fish
I've a nasty, vicious streak
LeFou: Please speak!
Gaston: It's Belle's father who's your client
She adores the old buffoon
She'll be forced to be complaint
LeFou: She'll dance to your tune
Gaston: We get the daughter through her dad
You just pronounce the old boy mad
LeFou: And, whoosh! He's slammed up in your pad--
LeFou, D'Arque: The Maison des Lunes
Gaston: Do I make myself entirely clear?
D'Arque: It's the simplest deal of my whole foul career!
Gaston: Put Maurice away and she'll be here in moments
In a dreadful state
She'll capitulate to me!
D'Arque: I'll be strapping up an inmate
LeFou: Very tightly
Gaston: Very soon
D'Arque: But please don't bring him late
Our check-in time's noon!
LeFou, D'Arque: So, wave one bachelor goodbye
Gaston: She'll be my bride
LeFou: She'd rather die
Than have her daddy ossify?
D'Arque: In my sordid saloon
All: So book the church; raise the glasses high
To the Maison des Lunes!